Thursday, December 29, 2011

Rosemary Reorganizes

Okay... So, I know I haven't blogged in a while.... I'm working on that. I'll for-real post soon.
It's been QUITE a semester (and I've loved every QUITE bit of it).

Until you hear from me again, you can rest assured that I'm reorganizing my life.
Proof? Well, okay!.........
#MRSdegreeproblems
Found this little "Daily Draft" on a Christian mom's blog.
I love it. Want one? Click here.

#CoEproblems
This one is both self-inspired and self-developed!
(Feel free to plagiarize my wonderful idea of treating myself like a 6th grader.)
It's my little week-by-week accountability/awareness chart to keep me
aware of whether-or-not/how-often-or-not-often I'm doing the
things I need to be doing either everyday or every week...
through checkmarks (or maybe even smiley faces?)

#MRSdegreeproblems
It's a grocery checklist (pen+paper... so last semester.)
This is also a Pinterest find.
Perfect. Excellent. Wonderful.
Print yours here.

#CoEproblems
Basically, this iCal on paper (minus a few hours).
I used iCal last semester and really liked it's hour-by-hour organization,
but I found that I my brain connects with my schedule through ink.
Ergo...

I plan on laminating all of the above and using them with Expo markers until I die.

I'll fill you in on the past several hundred years of my life that blogger doesn't know about sometime in the near (?) future.

Updates to hold you over? Okay. For now, you can know that I have:
-mono
-an inability to exercise for fear of rupturing my spleen
-a beau (who does not have mono)
-an iPhone
-a new cell phone number (to accompany the above)
-longer hair
-an attempted diet plan based on finding my worth and identity in Christ
-a slowly reorganizing life
-a 3.0 to label last semester (... hence the above)
-new year's resolutions in the making (future blogpost?)
-a stronger desire/passion to pursue my major
-a crush on these two songs:
  1. *I KNOW WHITNEY PRITCHETT!!!* (... and her voice is ALMOST as beautiful as her heart.)
  2. I don't know any of these people, but they make me feel like a college kid.

Tha-Tha-Thaa-Thaa--That's all for now, folks.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Oswald Wisdom

"If in preaching the gospel you substitute your knowledge of the way of salvation for confidence in the power of the gospel, you hinder people from getting to reality. Take care to see while you proclaim your knowledge of the way of salvation, that you yourself are rooted and grounded by faith in God. Never rely on the clearness of your presentation, but as you give your explanation make sure that you are relying on the Holy Spirit. Rely on the certainty of God’s redemptive power, and He will create His own life in people."
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (December 3)


This hits home.
Why do I feel completely insufficient in myself? Because I AM

Am I godly enough,
wise enough,
good enough,
smart enough,
pure enough,
disciplined enough?

Am I enough?
No.

I am so sinful, so insufficient.

... That's why I have a redeemer whose grace is enough,
whose grace is sufficient.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Echoes of Mercy, Whispers of Love

"Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."

[blessed assurance]

Friday, November 11, 2011

"To Something and Not Away From"

Home is...
only telling Ruthie my secret.
singing duets with my iPod before all 90 miles of 280.
turning right by mailbox 346 and seeing red bricks lit up in the moonlight.
smelling what my house actually smells like for the first second I open the front door.
hearing my footsteps echo in the foyer.
seeing Mom jump up and down when I came in unannounced and unexpected.
enjoying a bowl of late night cereal like I'd just driven home from rehearsal.
letting Gin text from my cheapo phone.
watching Mom answer Dad's phone call like her crush is calling.
eating high-cal Christmas crunchies that Caroline created.
joking about healthiness to feel better about eating the Christmas crunchies.
sitting at the kitchen table and telling Mom all about [a] cute boysss.
showing off YouTube videos as if I have some credit to their existence.
scrolling through Pinterest to show Mom how much I need a puppy.
dropping my stuff right in front of my doorway, exactly where Mom prefers.
trying on my sister's new clothes.
snuggling up my chronically cold feet under layers of blankets in my big, empty bed.
resending ten times per text as TMobile will always be the worst and the cheapest.
leaving Ruthie's door open while she falls asleep before the rest of us.
listening to Caroline and her gurlies girl-talk down the hallway.
counting my blessings like I'm counting sheep.
waking up in a bed that feels more like a hug.
smelling fall and love and somehow Christmas all at the same time.
sipping coffee while my Mom and sisters run in ten different synchronized directions.
planning a day that won't go as planned.
knowing that today is simple enough for it not to matter.
staying in town later than planned to see Dad over dinner.

driving back to Auburn tonight because part of my heart is there now.
is there happily.
is there finally.
and doesn't want to leave forever, or even for an entire weekend.

I'm not home to run away.
I'm not home because I'm homesick.
I'm not home for an escape.
I'm not home because it's Auburn's fault.
I'm not home to solve a problem.

I'm not home because I need to be,
but because I want to be.... 

It's [finally] that simple.


**To better understand God's work in today's post, click HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.**

***The title of this post is an excerpt from this pretty little song.***

Friday, October 28, 2011

Transforming Freedom

"We are not fundamentally free;
external circumstances are not in our hands, they are in God’s hands,
the one thing in which we are free is in our personal relationship to God.
We are not responsible for the circumstances we are in, but we are responsible for the way we allow those circumstances to affect us;
we can either allow them to get on top of us, or we can allow them to transform us into what God wants us to be."

-Oswald Chambers 

Monday, October 24, 2011

Greetings from The Norton Anthology of British Literature


How Fresh, O Lord, how sweet and clean
Are thy returns! ev’n as the flowers in spring;
             To which, besides their own demean,
The late-past frosts tributes of pleasure bring.
                                      Grief melts away
                                      Like snow in May,
             As if there were no such cold thing.

             Who would have thought my shrivel’d heart
Could have recover’d greennesse? It was gone
             Quite under ground; as flowers depart
To see their mother-root, when they have blown;
                                      Where they together
                                      All the hard weather,
             Dead to the world, keep house unknown.

             These are thy wonders, Lord of power,
Killing and quickning, bringing down to hell
             And up to heaven in an houre;
Making a chiming of a passing-bell,
                                      We say amisse,
                                      This or that is:
             Thy word is all, if we could spell.

             O that I once past changing were;
Fast in thy Paradise, where no flower can wither!
             Many a spring I shoot up fair,
Offring at heav’n, growing and groning thither:
                                      Nor doth my flower
                                      Want a spring-showre,
             My sinnes and I joining together;

             But while I grow to a straight line;
Still upwards bent, as if heav’n were mine own,
             Thy anger comes, and I decline:
What frost to that? what pole is not the zone,
                                      Where all things burn,
                                      When thou dost turn,
             And the least frown of thine is shown?

             And now in age I bud again,
After so many deaths I live and write;
             I once more smell the dew and rain,
And relish versing: O my onely light,
                                      It cannot be
                                      That I am he
             On whom thy tempests fell all night.

             These are thy wonders, Lord of love,
To make us see we are but flowers that glide:
             Which when we once can finde and prove,
Thou hast a garden for us, where to bide.
                                      Who would be more,
                                      Swelling through store,
             Forfeit their Paradise by their pride.
-George Herbert, "The Flower" (1633)

LOVE this.
paper writin' time (and I may actually be a little bit excited).

P.S. Life update in pictures: coming soon.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Boast of My Tongue

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
Matthew 6:33


"So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."             I Corinthians 9:26-27

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."
James 4:13-17

"So as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God."
I Peter 4:2

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."
Ephesians 5:15-16

"Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!"
Psalm 90:17

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,"
Colossians 3:23

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”"
Luke 10:38-42


This is me telling everyone that I fall so short of obeying these  verses. Anyone who knows me should be able to tell you how miserably I  fail to live out these callings.

This is me praising the Lord for His grace.


"THY MERCY, MY GOD, IS THE THEME OF MY SONG,
THE JOY OF MY HEART, AND THE BOAST OF MY TONGUE"

Monday, October 17, 2011

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus


’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, “Thus says the Lord!”


Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!


O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!


Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.


I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

baby Rosemary and her mama
mother-daughter luncheon
may 2010
Mom had me sing this hymn at a mother-daughter luncheon right before I graduated from high school.
Thanks for teaching me how sweet it is to trust in Jesus, Mom.
It makes even more sense now.

"But he knows the way that I take; and when he has tried me, I will come out as gold."
Job 10:23

... It's true, yall. I can see the sparkles.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Ballet I

Sweet Sisters,

I've been wanting to write this post for a while. What I'm about to write about is something God has been working through my every vein and hair and pore since I was about nine-years-old. I'm not really sure what I'm about to type, but most of my posts do start out this way, so I suppose that's alright. It's just that... I really want this post to be good. I really want yall not to see me and to see Jesus. Please, look past the bits of pride and pity that my sinfulness is about to leak into this post, and seek to see God's truth through His grace that lives inside me.

I have a very general idea of who my audience is--college girls and moms, mostly--but I'm writing to every female alive. Yall are special to me. God made a big place in my heart for you. I want to love on all of you all day long. No matter who you are, know that I'm saying a prayer for you.

So, here we go, general audience... I want to talk about beauty.

For as long as I've been aware of my body, I've been able to pick out things that are wrong with it. The first time I remember noticing the strange housing of my heart, I was about nine-years-old. I took ballet (which is quite a funny family joke these days). I remember looking in the fold-out mirrors of the church-housed studio during class and comparing my body to those of the other little girls around me, wishing it looked more like hers or being glad it didn't. My first taste of dissatisfaction, my first realization of imperfection.... I quit ballet the next year.

Time went on, and I made it to jr. high school. Zero self-confidence, people. I wore jeans to our field day in the seventh grade (it was ninety degrees outside). Boys didn't talk to me, so heck no was I going to talk to them. I was a teacher's pet. I was uncool. BUT I was sweet and godly, so that's what really counted, right? Yes, I was better than the thirteen-year-olds with boyfriends who wore high heels to class. I knew how to love Jesus. I obeyed. I was good. Everyone says it's the inside that counts, and mine looked way better than theirs... duh.

More time went on. I made it to high school. I found some self-confidence. I actually wore shorts when it was hot outside. Boys actually started talking to me. I actually started talking to them. People liked me. They complimented me. They thought I had cute clothes. They thought I was funny. They liked it when I sang. I suddenly felt a lot better about myself... And on top of all that, my insides STILL looked so much holier than theirs, so naturally, I was the best. I was grown up and godly and well-liked. So, of course, I became beautiful and didn't need to think about struggling with my worth because I totally had that under control with how godly I was... duh.

... And then Rosemary Went to College. And started blogging. And looked at sin in its ugly face. And all it took was freshman year for her to realize that she was still wearing that leotard from "I-wasn't-skinny-enough-to-make-it-to" Ballet I (shout-out to Caroline Jager).

I spent all of junior high and high school layering on anything I could to hide that leotard, and contrary to popular belief, covering-up insecurities is not actually a good idea. So, I've spent the past few months shedding off layer at a time. Off goes too much make-up, clothes for the sake of their price tag, defensive sarcasm, self-gloryfying talent, unfulfilling boys, intentional apathy, and spiritual piety. God didn't make those things. God didn't make the layers, and He didn't make the leotard. GOD MADE ME.

Fearfully and wonderfully, God made ME.

Fearfully and wonderfully, God made YOU.
Just you. Not all your layers. Whatever you layers are. God hates your layers. But God loves YOU.
And He will not turn you away. He is holding you, and if you let Him, He will carefully take your layers off until all you can feel is Him and your naked helplessness laying in the strong and unfailing love of His arms.

God made you. God loves you. Sin ruins you. God saves you.

I will not tell you your body is perfect.
Our outward selves are wasting away. Your body is not perfect. My body is not perfect. Even the Victoria's Secrets models' bodies are not perfect. We ARE flawed, and we need to stop telling each other that we are perfect just the way we are because we're not... and THAT is why we do not find worth in our bodies.

I will not tell you that it's what's inside that counts.
I don't know about you, but my Our insides are filthy and sinful little things. My insides tell me that perfection is achievable. My insides punish me when I don't achieve perfection. My insides compare myself to all the other little girls in my ballet class. My insides cry out to be covered up with layers and layers of sin. My insides are hopeless and messy and mean and disgusting. And yours are, too... and THAT is why we do not find worth inside of ourselves.

So, where do we find worth? Without guilt or pride or inevitable destruction? Is it even out there?
Yes... and before you read the next sentence, I want you to (mentally) go all the way back to your vulnerable-awkward-leotarded child-self. Shed the leotard. Stand helplessly naked before the Almighty Lord who is madly in love with His creation... and once you've done that, forget everything you've heard before, and believe just this:

Your worth is in the Lord.

The Lord is beautiful, and you were made in His image.

Our outer-selves may be wasting away, but out inner-selves are being renewed day by day.
Every other leotard or layer will eventually fail you, but He never will.
His grace is beyond your control. It's outside of you and is moving through all your filthy insides. It is powerful. Embrace it. Rest in it. It is beautiful. It is good.

I don't think I'll ever understand how much He loves me. I don't think I will ever fully wrap my mind around the measures Christ took to give me beauty. But coming from the girl who doesn't like to exercise, can't manage a minute of her time, and will always sinfully look for something wrong with her body: I don't want to be like this.

I want beauty. Real beauty.
Beauty that doesn't fade and beauty that is outside of what I am.
That's what I'm crying for. That's what I'm singing for. That's what I'm living for.
Real beauty that will one day be mine for eternity.

It's not anywhere around here, you guys. It's not in my closet, it's not on my scale. It's not even in the diamond ring we Auburn girls seem to obsess over one day having.

I'm not finding it until God brings me home.

So, let's decide to stop. Shed the layers. Shed the leotards. And sink into His beautiful blood.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hindsight

I like it when God gives my
blind eyes
sight.

#Icanseeclearlynow
#Therainisgone
 #Itsgonnabeabright(bright)(bright)sunshineyday

... Fleet Foxes post coming soon to a computer near you.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Here's What's Up

Things I am Currently Liking a Lot:
pumpkin spice lattes
fall-colored manicures
J Crew (duh)
wearing a coat
wishing the jorts I'm wearing were ankle-length
the way my macbook tells me when I make a spelling error (i.e. "jorts")
not sweating when I go outside
telling as many people as I can about Jesus' work in my life
best friends
being single (until God's further notice... I'm no feminist.... Want a sandwich?)
Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby
Crafts
extending my Alpha Gam family
the city of Birmingham
day-dreaming about other big(ger) cities of the south
today and tomorrow's today
The Avett Brothers
not being a hipster
fighting the hipster movement
realizing that the most hipster person I know is my twelve-year-old sister (and that I approve of her hipsterness because she's a hipster even though it's not cool for seventh-graders at Briarwood to be hipsters... but apparently it is at the high school--"Dubstep 'Dega" was their homecoming theme?)
hating that I sin
blogging instead of studying
loving my life

That list could be much longer. I like a lot of things right now. However, all good things (good lists) must come to an end, and really, I SHOULD be studying (anthem of my life).

So, here we go for the bi-weekly-ish update of Rosemary's life as she goes to college...

Don't worry guys: I'm still happy.
I'm sure you were all thinking that joy of mine was too good to be true, and... well, it almost is. The joy of Christ doesn't make sense if you're looking at it through eyes blinded from the gospel. But I'm not. So, it's making perfect sense to me. I have a Savior, and I'm watching him turn every thorn of my life into a garden of roses. By His grace alone, I have every reason and right to be joyful.

I had a mini-emotional breakdown this past Thursday while I was on the phone with Mom. This was partly due to an extreme deprivation of much needed sleep, and partly due to the fact that school has been extremely overwhelming, and I've yet to adjust to my schedule this semester. I am was taking seventeen hours, and under normal circumstances, I could probably handle that. However, until I started talking to Mom, I didn't really realize that my stress level and the condition of my heart haven't exactly been "under normal circumstances" for the past year of my life. I came to the humbling realization that, even though life is much better than it was a little while ago, I'm just not going to be able to juggle seventeen hours this semester. So, I dropped my four elective hours (Elementary Italian I), and admitted to myself that for about the 400th time this week that I'm still a mess of a little college girl and will be the whole time I'm here (and then I'll be a messy little college graduate).... I now have no (as in ZERO) Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes, and by the grace of God, I'll start sleeping a lot more, running a lot more, studying a lot more, and spending a lot, lot more time with Jesus and my introverted self.

I'm in weird spot right now, but it's a good spot. Let's face it: we all just really, really need Jesus. 

I feel like I've JUST crossed the finish line of a marathon**. The worst is over, and the worst was bad, but the important part is that it's over. I did it. I can finally catch my breath. I may have a pulled muscle here and there. I may be sore for weeks. I may have to start seeing a chiropractor... but everyday, it gets better, and-- It's over!... and the only way I finished was through the wonderful, loving, unchanging, and faithful hand of God carrying me all the way through.
To God be the glory. Great things He has done.

I don't care how cliche (how do I put the accent above the e in that word?) it sounds, but I mean it when I say: God has made me into a new person, and I love that. I love Him.

I could continue to elaborate. And praise Him. And tell you more details of my life as a sophomore at the great university on the plains, but Barnes & Noble is about to close. And I was supposed to be studying all this time anyways....

It's whatever. I never regret blogging.

So, I'll leave you with this:
"This is what the LORD says—he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise."
Isaiah 43:16-21
Happy fall, yall!


**I've realized that I process a lot of my spiritual growth through cheesy-analogies. #sorryImnotsorry

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Have the Heart

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman; 
but I have the heart and stomach of a king,"

-Elizabeth I

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Let Thorns Grow

I'd sooner believe someone
still broken
than someone who's never seen pain.

Words have more weight 
when they're
hurting.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Good News

God just showed me this encouragement:

"And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."
Galations 5:24

#phew

From My Messy Heart

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, 
believe that you have received it, 
and it will be yours."
Mark 11:24

Honestly,
I have no idea what to make of this verse.

I battled with it all summer.
I've listened to sermons on it. I've prayed about it, 
etc, etc, etc....
I just don't fully understand it.
And I'm a sinner, so maybe I never will.

So far, in relation to this verse,
God has taught me that it does not mean we can just ask for whatever the heck we would like to have and have it.

Example:
"Dear God, I would just really like for you to give me a green pair of brand new Hunter rain-boots, as well as, a brand new pair of Ray-Ban Clubmasters (tortoise, please, God), and I fully believe that you are going to give them to me because you can."
*BAM*
+new Hunter rain-boots on my feet. new Ray-Ban Clubmasters on my face.+

... I understand that this is not at all what this verse means.

But so far, God has also taught me that when we pray for things that glorify Him,
He says yes...

but to what extent?

Wouldn't it glorify the Lord for Him to take away the cancer?
Wouldn't it glorify the Lord for Him to heal the broken marriage?
Wouldn't it glorify the Lord for Him to provide the needed money?
It would.
And yet.... Look around.

I don't "get" God.
I don't at all understand what He's up to in His plans for my life and others', and to be perfectly honest, I don't always think His ideas are the best ones.
(And if you're being perfectly honest, you don't think so either.)
I'm not saying His ideas aren't the best ones.
They are.
... but being the sinful, messy, and un-omniscient human-being that I am,
I just don't always see how they are.

I hate my flesh.

... but going back to the verse.
... There's a lot of ideas that I have about things God could employ in my life that I think would very much glorify Him.
I ask him for these things.
A lot.
I stopped for a little while, but I felt dishonest with Him.
So, I recently (last night, recently) started asking again.
... But I'm afraid to believe that He might actually say yes.

Because what if He doesn't?
What if He says no?
What if God has a much better idea of how to glorify himself?
What if these things that I think would bring Him so much glory, wouldn't actually bring Him any glory at all?

Again,
I hate my flesh.

I'm a coward.
I'm afraid to be disappointed.
I'm afraid I'll end up broken and angry at God.
I'm afraid I'll say, "But, God, you promised..."
and I don't want to say that.
I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to be humbled.

And that's just messy me.
That's why I (we) need grace.
Because sometimes most times, I'm afraid to grow.
Even though that's the best thing for me.

so...

What do you think of this verse?
I want to know. 
Really.
Comment. 
Let's learn together.
And to my dear friend, Anonymous:
I'd like as many comments from you as you deem necessary.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

If There Was No You


When I see myself, I'm seeing you too
as long as I remember and I'm feeling like I knew
that my jokes aren't funny, the truth isn't true
if there was no you

If you were my boat, in the deep blue sea
I'd probably sink you down
I know I should've thanked you for carrying me
but for you I will happily drown

All along your way
the darkest night, the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
and nothing you could do
could make me turn my back on you
when you're looking for a fight
I'm your man
when you need a friend, you got my hand

What I really mean, what I'm trying hard to say
is that I'm counting on you and you got me too
My secrets aren't safe, I'm singing out of tune
if there was no you
if there was no you

All along your way
the darkest night, the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
and nothing you could do
could make me turn my back on you
when you're looking for a fight
I'm your man
when you need a friend, you got my hand
when you need a friend, you got my hand
you got my hand 

-Brandi Carlile

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I Want to Die While You Love Me

I want to die while you love me,
While yet you hold me fair,
While laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.

I want to die while you love me
And bear to that still bed
your kisses -- turbulent, unspent,
To warm me when I'm dead.

I want to die while you love me
Oh, who would care to live,
'Til love has nothing more to ask
And nothing more to give

Georgia Douglas Johnson (1928)


Whenever I read poetry, I remember why I want to be an English teacher.
When I read this poem, I remember why I want to be a wife.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Last Friday Night

[I want to be sure you all know that I am listening to Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night" while I write this.... Literally, I opened iTunes (yes, it's in my library #notahipster #imalsowearingnorts) just to play the song... even though I have never experienced a Friday night that looks anything like the one Katy sings about. It's whatever. I'm okay with that. Anyways....]

Last Friday night, me and my besties (= Kit Stallings, Molly Hendry, Cody Nall, Neal Timberlake, Kathleen Palmer, and KP's boyfriend: Todd Robinson) loaded up in Neal's SUV of perfection and made the trek up to ATL. The Avett Brothers were playing at the Tabernacle... for free.
This is exciting, people.

Now, I'm not the world's biggest Avett fan, but I'm a bigger fan than Molly Hendry ("... Wait. Are we listening to the Avett Brothers right now?"... "[Insert comment about Lecrae.]") So, while I may not have been as stoked-out-of-my-mind as Kit Stallings was, I was still pretty excited, and if I'd had more than three hours of Thursday night sleep under my belt, I'm sure I could've mustered up even more excitement.

So we go. We park. We eat at a greasy diner. We wait in line for three hours. And the Tabernacle fills up literally with about fifteen people left in line ahead of us... literally.

Disappointment hit hard. Really hard. I laughed too soon (still sorry). Others held back tears.
It just wasn't logical. We got screwed. Other people who'd waited half the time we had were in there while we were stuck waiting on the sidewalk and wondering what to do next.
It wasn't fair, and it didn't make sense.

... Naturally, once everyone collected their sorrows up enough to walk away from the closed yellow gate and back to the car, we ended up going to The Varsity, buying some chocolate milkshakes, and having a dance party/photo-shoot on the top of the parking deck...
and I'm not sure about everyone else, but I know I had one of the best nights of my sophomore year.

Because sometimes that happens.
Sometimes, you don't get into the free Avett Brothers concert you waited in line for, for three hours.
Sometimes, you get disappointment.
Sometimes, you get screwed.
Sometimes, nothing goes according to plan.
And sometimes, when you put your mind to it, you can have joy anyways.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to my sophomore year.
(Yes, this is the post you've all been waiting for that I've talked about writing in my past three or so posts.)

I'm HAPPY.
Really happy, actually.
I'm happy to tell you I'm happy, and I'm happy to be happy.
(The word happy now looks super weird.)

Nothing has changed really. I mean, I guess life has changed a little bit.
Being a sophomore is way different (way better--to me) than being a freshman, but nothing about my life circumstances (other than where I live--in The Village! What up life of luxury?!) are all that different. I miss my family, but I'm not homesick. And instead of wishing I was at home, I'm wishing they were here. Birmingham used to only be just two hours away, but now it's TWO HOURS away.

God has just given me an unexplainable peace (that surpasses all understanding) and contentment and joy with His current calling for me.

Temptation is still out there.
Oh boy, is it ever. It's got it's toughest game face on actually, and I can feel it fighting harder than ever to steal away my newfound happiness, but I won't let it. I will fight to keep this prize.
Not because I deserve it, but because God thinks I'm worth it, and He proved that when He sacrificed His son so that I can be happy. 
I should be happy. I'm crazy, ridiculously, unfathomably blessed, and I've been a spoiled-rotten brat for not appreciating that.

Freshman year was tough (Duh, you know that if you read this blog. So sorry about any wayyyy too emotional posts from when I was a little crazy and at rock bottom. I realize they're pretty awkward. I may delete one or two, but I can't decide. Those posts are a direct reflection of months that brought me so much closer to the Lord than I've ever been before. My life is the embarrassingly emotional mess that those posts are, and God's grace is constantly cleaning it up. I think that's beautiful. So, I don't know. Anyway...), and by the time it was over I was looking for any reason I could muster up to blame it on Auburn. I didn't want to admit that Freshman year was a blessing because I didn't want to stop wanting it to be different. I didn't want to be thankful for heartache, but now, sophomore year has started, and guess what... I am.

I am so thankful that freshman year went the way it did. If it wouldn't have, I wouldn't be the person I am today (cliche, but true #sorryboutit). I wouldn't be upset that I'm struggling to have a daily devotional because I wouldn't know to struggle for one. I wouldn't have had countless awesome encounters and conversations with so many beautiful girls. I wouldn't be able to appreciate the joy of dancing on a parking deck with my best friends after deciding not to experience the more obvious extreme disappointment.

I am so happy right where I am.
I'm in college.
I have the best friends in the world.
And I'm bound for the promise land.

The best is still yet to come, but at least I'm having fun waiting around for it.

So, here's a song Neal showed us that makes me wanna cry it's so cute and perfect:

And here is a picture of my travel buddies (minus Todd):

"Most days, we spend together 'cause
we realized that they go so fast.
Sometimes, I get to wonderin' if
these perfect days will last."
-Emily Hearn, Rooftop

(left to right:
top row: Cody Nall, me, Molly Hendry, Kit (Girl) Stallings;
bottom row: Neal Timberlake, Kathleen Palmer)
(... and if you want to see the rest of the eight-bajillion pictures we took, check my Facebook, yo.)



What More Can He Say?


So, to anyone wondering: having a daily devotional in college is hard.

Real hard...
at least for me.

You see, I have this thing goin' with my friend Sleep.
We just... I don't know... really, really like each other.
Actually, I think we may be in love. I'm not really sure.
Love is such a complicated thing.
All I know is that, when I'm not with Sleep, I'm thinking about him,
and when I am with Sleep, he is never enough.
He has a tendency to be kind of controlling, which I know isn't healthy,
but most of the time, when he's not dictating my life, he's just really sweet!
I would probably just go ahead and marry him,
except for he's kind of putting a damper in my relationship with the Lord.

and that's the real problem.

I'm just always tired (so tired).
I set my alarm an hour early, I come back to my room between classes, etc, etc, etc...
And I always find myself desiring sleep more than the Lord during these times.

Not cool, Rosie.

I've found myself in a load of stress.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm happy (saving that for the other post I keep talking about), but overwhelmed.
And worried.

I keep yelling at God,
so scared that He's going to take away my joy and contentment,
so scared I'm going to lose my peace.
And I keep yelling at myself to be better.
To run more and eat less.
To study more and facebook less.
To give more and ask less.
To be more and quit less.
... and then I get upset and afraid
because I realize that all my yelling might mean I'm not actually content at all.
And that so honestly is the last thing I want.

What do I want?

I want to be satisfied with the Lord and the Lord alone.
I want to fall and fall and never stop falling into His never ending love.
I want to want Him.
I want to know how much I need Him,
and I want to know that without having to hurt.
I want to have joy regardless of how my day is going,
and I want to share that joy with as many people as possible.
I want to look in the mirror and rejoice in the beautiful way God's made me
instead of picking out all the ways I think I've ruined His intentions for my body.
And I want to somehow do that without any hint of pride.
I want to wake up in the morning and read my dang Bible for thirty minutes
and then journal about it for thirty more.
I want to go running because I can run (even if it means slowly),
not because I'm punishing myself.
I want to eat fruit because it's SO cool that
God makes sweet things grow out of literally just dirt,
not because really, I'm just hungry for cookie dough.
I want to stop wanting what I don't have.
I want to be truly, honestly, and fully content without it.
I want to stop hoping in anything other than heaven,
and I want to stop being surprised when people disappoint me.
I want to stop taking my heart out of the hands that don't disappoint.
I want my heart set on the promiseland.**

Somehow, I've found myself aggravated not only with myself,
but with God, for not giving me all of the above.
I've been confused about why I don't have it all together.
Then, I remember that I'm not spending the time with Him that He's begging me for.
That He died for me for.
That He conquered the unconquerable for me for.
... and when I remember that, I remember that I simply can't have it all together.
I can't be perfect.
I can't do anything.
All I can do is lean on the Lord, and look to Him to hold my life together in one piece.
... and I haven't been doing that.
Leaning on the Lord is opening the Bible everyday.
Satisfying my hunger and quenching my thirst.
Not sitting back and wondering why God isn't talking to me.

He is.

His word is living and active.
I'm obviously not.
Why don't I go to it to find the life and activity I seek?
Because I'm an idiot.
But God's grace is good.

We sang this in church today:
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

How firm is the foundation laying right beneath my feet,
sitting right on top of my bedside table.
What more can he say than to me He is yelling,
me, who unto Jesus' refuge I'm fleeing.



**(I also want to learn how to drive my emotional points home in writing
without using repetition. #rosemarygoestocollegesignaturewritingstyle)