Saturday, May 28, 2011

Whom Have I?

"You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings."
I Corinthians 7:23

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8

Battling the lies that say I'm worthless, disposable, or abandoned would be pointless without these truths.

I am worth the blood of Christ.
I was chosen out of many.
will never be alone.

I don't care who or what says otherwise; this is the truth.
Don't lie to me.

Monday, May 16, 2011

WHY Do I Not Play a Musical Instrument?

I don't care what you are doing right now. Stop doing it and watch this instead....


.... Now, that was not only precious, it was also beautiful. Aren't you happy you obeyed?


P.S. Who wants to give me piano and/or guitar lessons?... but really....

Snowflakes, Watch-Tans, & Faithfulness

I just remembered today that between the ages of twelve and thirteen, I prayed almost everyday for God to give me a white Christmas. Living smack dab in the middle of Alabama, I knew it was a stupid thing to long for. It was a sort of "secret" prayer request. The actual likelihood of it being answered was embarrassing, but it was something my awkward and transitioning from childhood to teenagedom heart really longed for. I knew it was dumb, and impossible, and etcetera, but I also knew my God could work against all of those odds. So, I prayed for it and prayed for it until I eventually grew out of being a kid and forgot it was something I wanted.

This Christmas, just past my nineteenth birthday, I woke up on Christmas morning feeling quite differently than I had at thirteen. Glancing out my window, I saw my preteen prayer answered with a cozy blanket of snowflakes wrapping up our dead southern grass.

Remembering my silly but faithful junior high prayer today reminded me that God is never less than faithful. Whether it takes eighteen years of seeing only dead grass on Christmas morning, or three days of being sealed into the tomb, His sovereignty always delivers. He will answer my prayers. He will heal my heart. He will wrap me up in His cozy blanket of pure love that is more gentle than falling snowflakes and more powerful than the dead southern grass lying beneath.

A faithful God hears my prayers. A faithful God loves me and loves to hear me pray to Him with faith.

I may have a watch-tan, but God works on His own clock.... and who am I to tell the designer of snowflakes that He's running a bit late?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Life Updates/Summer Plans (nothing exciting)

+Summer is here.
+I've spent the past week of my life having a wonderful time on RUF Summer Conference.
+I am now back in Birmingham for pretty much good.
+I've decided to change my major (again--round 5) to English, and my parents are thrilled (*sarcasm*).
+I THINK I'm working a week or two of good ol' Camp Briarwood overnight camp. (Waiting on phone calls that never arrive has become quite the trend in my life.)
+I will be nannying two precious little Vestavia girls for the majority of the summer like last year.
+Other summer events: lake next weekend with three wonderful old best friends, annual 4th of July beach trip with the fam-jam, CAROLINE AND JAMES'S WEDDING on July 23 (highlight of my summer!!!)
+I plan to spend so much time having exuberant amounts of fun with all my other Birmingham Aubs. (Example of exuberant fun: Impromptu dress-up party at the Morris house last night)
+Goal(s) of the summer: Be so creative my mind explodes.... Take pictures. Write (alot)--not just journaling and blogging, but writing short stories, poems, etc, etc-- the stuff I love and haven't done since senior year. Read a few of the classics that have been on my list for three years now. Finish the freaking Harry Potter series before the last premier. Be fashionable instead of lazy in my dress (I love fashion-- Nike shorts and oversized Greek tshirts are easy, but not me). Get to know the parts of Birmingham I love but never spend time in. Run even though it's freaking hot outside. Play tennis (also been on my list for three years). Paint the giant, blank canvas that has been hanging over my bed (... for three years). Learn to sew. Blog more, Facebook less. Make crafts for my dorm room. Lose the last few pounds I've been talking about losing (for three years). Dance more (I just learned I like to... as white as I may be). Immerse myself in (good) music. Learn to play the piano (--now this has been on my list for LIFE). Appreciate my family. Enjoy my friends. Love the people who don't fall into either category. Un-fickle my heart. Take one day at a time. Stop planning my future. Live freely in God's grace.

.... If all of the above happens, it will be a wonderful summer.


I'm in a profound writing mood, but I just don't have anything profound to say.... That always bothers me.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Current Conversations

"I can't wait to be in love because God wants me to be. I can't wait for someone to say, 'I love you. And you love me. I know that's true because I know that's what God wants, and I know that brings Him glory.'"
"The new goal is to start severing off my friendships because if I was getting married tomorrow, I would have way too many bridesmaids."
(... I love my best friend.)

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

-Mumford and Sons, "After the Storm"



Friday, May 6, 2011

Rosemary Went to College

Well, guys....It happened.
Freshman year actually happened, and tomorrow... it will all be officially over.

It happened.
I went to college.

Wow. Just wow.
It's the night before move-out day....

It's strange-- remembering the night before move-in day. The memory only looks like a movie in my mind now-- I was never actually a part of it, I can only watch it from the back row of a dark theatre I get lost trying to find.

The night before move-in day, my sisters and I spent the evening simply enjoying each other's company. When the night came to an end, I cried.

I cried because I was sad. I cried because I hate change. I cried because I wasn't excited. I cried because I was afraid. I was afraid of leaving him. I was afraid of leaving my family. I was afraid of leaving my home. I was afraid of all I didn't know, and I was afraid of all I did. I cried, and I cried, and I cried because I was afraid of everything that is now over.

Caroline found me. She hugged me, and she cried, too. We walked upstairs and into my newly barren bedroom. Ruthie enters, bawling. In the same fashion, Gin isn't far behind. The four of us held each other and cried... And cried... And cried. We were all afraid. None of us new what home was about to become.

I will never forget this night. Mom always says, "Home is wherever we all are together." The five most important people in my world were all there together and all right where home asked them to be. Home was so important. Home was everything I needed. Home was what I didn't want to leave. This was the last night that Birmingham was ever my home because home is where we, the people who love each other the most, are all there together.

All school year long, I longed for Birmingham- for that feeling of home that I hadn't really felt since the night before I moved away. Weekend visits weren't enough, but I was sure this summer would be.... I was wrong.

Two weeks ago, I spent Easter weekend in Birmingham. While I was there, I realized for the first time that Birmingham is no longer home. Everything it stood for has changed. I want it to be home again, but it can't be... not right now. Right now, I don't really have a home-- or more so-- I don't really have a home pinned down and piled up all in one place. If home is where the people you love the most are all there together, home is going to be untangible for a little while. For next few years, the people I love the most aren't going to be altogether.... but it's okay. It's part of growing-- growing out of the home of your past and into the home of your future. The thing is, in growing, you can't have your future (or your past) in your present. So, until my present becomes my future-- I'll just keep growing and growing while I'm a little bit homeless.

Someone recently told me, "Rosie, you have to grow where you are planted." Conveniently, I share my name with a flower, so this proclamation paired with my name got my mind rolling:
You know that lovely rose bush next door? What all did that lovely rose bush have to go through before it could be the pride and joy of your elderly neighbor's garden?
Well, it began as a little baby rose, nutured in the no-customers-allowed green house of a gardenshop. That little baby rose was really comfortable in its green house, its home, but the gardenshop owner knew it would be happier in the backyard of your elderly neighbor. So when it was old enough, he took it out of the green house and placed it on a in a cracked plastic pot on a wooden bench to be sold. It would have to stay here a little while before your elderly neighbor would plant it and nuture it to be the pride and joy of his garden, the rose's new home.

So, in response to this advice: the elderly neighbor hasn't planted me yet, but you're right: I have to grow. Only I'll be growing while homeless in my cracked plastic pot on a wooden bench waiting to be someday planted in my new home... waiting alongside other flowers (but not roses- I'm the only one named Rosie) just like me who I have come to love oh so very, very much.... Waiting is hard, but growing just happens. And how glad I am for it to happen in the company of my new best friends, a new special part of the definition of home.

Tonight was the night before move-out day. I spent in my cracked plastic pot called Keller Hall Room 106.
I didn't cry. I am not afraid.
I don't know when, but I know home is coming... and I know the other flowers in their cracked plastic pots on the plains will now and forever more be a very special part of it.

It happened.

Freshman year happened.

Rosemary went to college.

Monday, May 2, 2011

FINALS

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord..." {Colossians 3:23}

Well, I have not worked heartily on ANYTHING for ANYONE in the past few days. My first final is tomorrow, and this verse is making me feel pretty bad about my terrible work ethic.

Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning.

Here we go, finals. Get outta my way. I will reward myself with a massive blogpost summary of freshman year once you are said and done.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Grace Abounding

"... But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more," {Romans 5:20}


God just pounded this verse onto my heart today.
Everywhere I looked, I couldn't see anything but the promise of his grace.

We love to look so good.
We love to have it all together.
We love to hate any contradiction to the above... any contradiciton that might prove what's true:
we are so bad, and we are falling to pieces.

Sucks to suck. Sucks to sin.
Sucks that we can't help it, and we can't fix it.

But where life is so disgustingly and hopelessly stained with vice,
grace relentlessly and abundantly washes it clean.

Give up your helpless acts.
Praise the Lord.
You can't do it, but His grace redeems.