Saturday, June 18, 2011

Worth It

Just so you know, I, Rosemary Lee Jager, for the first time ever, ever, have no life plan. I have a life to-do list, and I have some general ideas about the future, but not a plan. There's just no point. God's plans are too wonderful for me to even begin to understand. I've learned that joyful tidbit the hard way, and I'm done setting myself up for disappointment.
I have no life plan, and I am more joyful than I have been in months.

Do with me what you will, Lord. I'm ready. You haven't left me yet. You haven't failed me yet. I finally trust you.
... Common themes in my most recent prayers.

It's gonna be okay. God doesn't do bad things. God doesn't screw up. God doesn't make mistakes. Nothing that has happened to me in the past few months is a mistake. It's beautiful. It's part of a plan. A beautiful plan made by a beautiful God (ohh, using passive voice just kills me.). A beautiful plan with a beautiful ending that I won't know until it gets here and slaps me in the face with it's joyful hand.

How can I not thank Him and praise Him for the beauty in my brokenness?

Believe it or not, living in freedom really does make you feel free.
I never really believed it would before, but it does. It does.

I don't want to be an Israelite. I don't want to wish for the slavery He's saved me from when I'm bound for the promiseland.

I'm finally taking one day at a time.

It's a fight. It's hard. It's a constant battle in my soul.

God always wins.

No matter how many tears I cry, God always wins, and those tears always bring Him glory.

Crying is worth it. It's worth it!
It's worth it because I can comfort the broken-hearted.
It's worth it because I can stop mourning over hiden sin.
It's worth it because I can offer more to my Savior.

It will be okay.
Guard my heart and do with me what you will.
I'll write about it.
I'll write about it for others on this blog, and I'll write about it for myself in this journal (that I had a lot of fun decorating)....

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